One of the most horrible feelings a mother can have is when she finds out her child did something unthinkable. Sure, the Terrorist is only six years old, but most mothers think their children are perfect and when something happens to prove that their child is normal it's a shocker.

I have to admit I am a more lienient mother than my mother was to me. My mother........ hmmmm, too much information, and not enough therapy to get into it at this point. Let's just say I am not about to make the same mistakes she made, although I'm sure to make plenty of my own original mistakes along the way.

I found out yesterday the little munchkin got caught cheating on her spelling test! Now (s)he who has NEVER cheated on a test EVER please feel free to throw the first stone. I am not at that point in the mother child relationship where I can tell her those things. She is still quite young and impressionable. If she thinks everyone has cheated on a test at one point or another, she'll think it isn't as bad as all that. However, back to the thinking your child is perfect, it stunned me to find out she could do something so normal (albeit not nice, but normal none the less).

I put my kid up on a pedestal and expect the best from her. I wonder if I'm becomming the complete opposite of my mother? I did not know how to deal with her transgression so the iron fist came down. She got into her P.J.'s, did her homework, ate supper, took a bath, and went straight to bed. Same thing tonite too. And she's okay with it!! She knows she did something wrong and that it has to be dealt with. To top it off, I lost my cool after supper and yelled at her! I mean YELLED at her, to get in the tub. She jumped right away and said "okay Mom". And to top off the guilt trip that I'm having, she appologizes to me and as I'm folding clothes in my room feeling totally sorry for myself, she calls out; "Mom? I love you!".

Ugh!

And now I am even more horrified. How could I be such a mean mother? Where did I go wrong that my "perfect" (ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ~sniff~, ha, ha!) kid could cheat on a test? And at six. What will she do at ten? I hate punishing my kid. She is the sweetest thing I have ever laid eyes on and I feel like a big meanie. Now, I'm not so naieve as to really think she's perfect (she is the Terrorist after all), but I took this as a blow to my own mothering skills, not as a flaw in her personality. I wonder if that would be considered selfish?

I hate to admit it, but my child is more like me than I feel comfortable with. She never stops talking, even when she has nothing to say, and she's very bossy. Too mature for six. All things considered though, she is the greatest treasure in my life and I am hopeful she will not have to go through some of the hard lessons in life that I went through.

And for anyone reading this, no, I'm not a horrible person. Just a normal person with horrible self-esteem issues when it comes to being a good mom.

~sigh~

Misunderstandings can hurt people, and not just the ones who are misunderstood. When I have issues, I try my hardest to deal with them and the people involved without hurting anyones feelings (intentionally). I even appologize for things I didn't do simply because I feel it is somehow MY fault I was misunderstood in the first place. However, through no fault of my own, I was sorely misconstrued this week and it was a very hurtful thing to find out that someone I care so deeply for would think I would do something to harm them, their friends, or their reputation. I did not find out through normal means (I talk, you talk, we settle things) either, but by blog-stalking. I had no idea I was being considered at fault for something I didn't do, and had no chance to defend myself. It was an onslaught from unexpected sources and it simmered all day yesterday.

By the end of the day I was a wreck.

Thus, I was overwhelmed with the feelings of inadequacy as both a mother and a friend, when I had to deal with the Terrorists offence. No wonder I felt so bad. I feel like I have taken my hurtful feelings and put them onto her.

Things got cleared up and put away where they belong (back in the closet with you!!!!!!) and appologies made, (forgiveness given) but the anxiety from wondering all day What the hell did I do? remained and took some time to wear off. I tend to blow things out of perportion myself, to the extreme at times, so I cannot be angry. Hurt, yes, but not angry.

An excellent lesson from all this; the best way to avoid getting the wrong end of the stick is by looking at both ends and inspecting them carefully. They may both look alike, but in conclusion, only one extremity is the right one.